He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
This is the high leading the old right now
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
