dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Randomize
