All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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