Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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