kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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