This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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