The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
