there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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