I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
