This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
