theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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