Sponge bath it is.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
