I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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