Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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