Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
