im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize