I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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