fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
