girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
