I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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