im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
