I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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