You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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