Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.