It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
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Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
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I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it