dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Also while Iβm drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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