this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
