When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
