I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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