But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
