if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
