I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
