We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
