I must be too annoying 4 u.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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