I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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