Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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