He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
They have beer where we have blood.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
