he wants to bone in the snuggie
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
