Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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