You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
