I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
