the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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