I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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