Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
