Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
