woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I take back everything I said about communal showers
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Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
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I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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