just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
