it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
