so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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