I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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