I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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