So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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