Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
