the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
