I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
