there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
