Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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