And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
