Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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