That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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