Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
