Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
