Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
