I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
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