We're facebook friends in real life
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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