dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
