he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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