Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
